I am afraid.
Germain is a USA Today bestselling hybrid author who writes books about vengeful girls, vil. Currently Reading. Visit my shelf on Goodreads. Author: Lili St. Cover Reveal: Verona Blood (California Blood #1) by Lili St Germain. Read More » Release Day Blitz: Gun Shy by Lili St Germain. Read More » Release Day Blitz: My Sweet Villaintine by Lili St Germain, TM.
There, I said it.
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- Germain - Kingpin. Sometimes the loneliness was too much. Sometimes it broke my soul. When you’re all alone for weeks at a stretch, the only touch the one of your enemy and owner, it becomes a daily struggle not to sink into the darkness and be swallowed, whole.
Terrified, anxious, strung out, waiting for my lies and my past to come crashing down around me.
The thing that terrifies me the most? It isn’t Dornan owning me, or Jase hating me, or even dying.
No, I am not terrified of death. I came close enough to it once that I know it intimately. Death itself is not what terrifies me.
I am afraid that I’ll never feel alive again.
I used to pray, even though I’m not a religious person. I’d lie on the grass in the backyard beside Elliot in Nebraska, and stare up at the millions of bright stars that I’d never been able to see through the smog of L.A. It was beautiful, and it was terrifying.
I used to wish on those shimmering stars that one day, I’d be free. That I’d feel alive again. And the most terrifying thing is that in Dornan’s arms, reliving his grief and his loss as I kissed his tears, was the only place I felt truly vindicated.
It’s so terrifying I can barely even talk about it, but that’s my fear.
That, once Dornan is finally dead, I still won’t feel any different.
That I’ll still be the ghost girl who’s dead inside.
Sometimes that fear is almost too much to bear.
“Juliette. Juliette.”
Jase’s mouth on mine, drowning out my little sobs, forcing quiet my sighs. Kissing me like he wants to devour me.
The way he keeps repeating my name. My real name.
Part of me wants to surrender completely, to melt into his arms and stay there forever, but another part of me, screaming inside my head, needs to know how he found out? How the hell did he figure out who I
am?
An image of Dornan flashes into my mind and I momentarily cringe. He’s in a coma, so I’m safe for the moment. But I need to know how Jase discovered my secret, and if anyone else in the club knows.
I have to know if I need to disappear, before someone else makes me vanish … permanently.
Jase’s rough fingers skate along my collarbone, as his lips continue to press against mine, greedy and sweet. I’m crying and he’s crying and it’s like all of my dreams and all of my nightmares have been realized in one messy, beautiful moment.
I’m elated. I’m devastated. But mostly, I am afraid.
With shaking hands I manage to push him back so that we are eye to eye. I’m still crying, and his eyes are shining, too. I’m sitting on the concrete, my legs out in front of me. Jase kneels and straddles me.
That’s when I see it, that first spark of anger light up on his face. I see it seep into his relief, probably even before he knows it’s there. His mouth twitches—his lips are still damp from mine—and his smile slowly fades as we continue to stare at each other.
I knew it would come. I was waiting for it, but seeing it there makes me so incredibly sad.
He stands, offering a hand out to me. I take it, my legs aching as he hauls me back to my feet. My ears are ringing from the bomb blast back at his grandfather’s house and I’m dizzy. I step back, letting go of his hand, and lean on the trunk of his car.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he growls through clenched teeth.
I tear my gaze away from him, looking out to the street beyond the crumbling walls of the hospital parking lot.
“Julz?” he snaps.
I turn my eyes back to him and shrug. “Because you would have made me stop. And I can’t stop until it’s finished.”
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“You could die,” he says, his hands balled into fists. “We both could. I thought you were already dead, for Christ’s sake. And you’re here, tempting fate a second time?”
I set my jaw stubbornly. “It’s too late to think about things like that.”
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He steps forward, his fingers wrapping around my wrist. “We have to go,” he says. “You need to get away from here before anyone in the club figures out what the hell you’ve done.”
He pulls at my arm but I don’t budge, and that’s when things get really fucking scary.
“No,” I say.
“What?”
“I want to see him,” I say, shrugging his hand away.
He roars in frustration, completely invading my personal space as he presses himself against me, pinning me to the car again. It shouldn’t scare me because this is what I expect. It’s what I deserve — his wrath, his fury — so it shouldn’t scare me, but for some inexplicable reason, it does.
“What is wrong with you?” he hisses. “You want to see him?”
I push at his chest angrily, but he doesn’t budge. If I had heels on, I’d stomp on his foot to get him to back up, but I’m barefoot and covered in a fine film of dust and debris, thanks to Elliot’s bombs in Dornan’s gas tank.
After learning the truth about her bloodlines, Kyra can’t help but feel like a monster.
Though she’s formed a tentative alliance with the Palace, Kyra must keep her identity a secret or risk being hunted like the rest of her Demon Rider kin. Tristam and the imprisoned assassin James are among the few who know about her heritage, but when Tristam reveals a heartbreaking secret of his own, Kyra’s not sure she can trust him. And with James’s fate in the hands of the palace, Kyra fears that he will give her away to save himself.
As tensions rise within Forge's Council, and vicious Demon Rider attacks continue in surrounding villages, Kyra knows she must do something to save her city. But she walks a dangerous line between opposing armies: will she be able to use her link to the Demon Riders for good, or will her Makvani blood prove to be deadly?